Today’s post is somewhat bleaker than I would have liked. Indeed, I don’t like writing this post at all. However, it’s message is important, and I must.

Over the weekend as we celebrated my oldest son’s 6th birthday, a childhood friend of mine was contemplating her death. At 34 years old she was found hanging in the garage of her parents’ home, where she lived. Apparently, she’d sent a text to an ex-boyfriend to say goodbye and late evening on Saturday she pinned a note to herself and stepped off this mortal coil.

I know no other circumstances.

Her Korean family are very private, but they embraced me as a visitor in their home as we were growing up and I always felt welcome. It was one of E’s sisters that I went to school with. E was a year younger than us but the three of us spent alot of time together in our highschool years. She was cute, bright and bubbly–certainly the most outgoing member of her family.

We lost touch after highschool. I lived out of the state for a while and we all got busy with our own things. I strain to remember the last time I saw E but I think it was when she, and her sister, came to see my wedding over eight years ago. They gave us a beautiful glass mosaiced lamp as a gift and it’s been next to my bed ever since.

I regret that I didn’t endeavour to make contact in those years. However, I remember a happy friendship and I hope as time goes by those memories overtake the raw feelings over the news of this suicide. But now I am just heartbroken that she must have been feeling such sadness and despair.

I don’t want to write this post, but I must, because I don’t wish for anyone else to feel how she must have felt.


  1. Hi April:

    I saw your link on Scott’s fb and had to read. I have been on your side of this issue in the past with my grandmother–many attempts and once successful when I was 16. It is an awful thing to contemplate what someone must be thinking and what kind of place they must be in to do this–I am thankful that she lived and hope that she is able to find peace. I wish you the best and hope that E finds something that she is willing to stay here for.


    Kelly (aka thecuckoo)

  2. Ok, misread apparently–I thought you said she lived, but I guess it was where she “lived”. So sorry for your loss. Hugs.

  3. So terribly sorry to hear of your loss. Our lives have been affected twice in the last year with two separate suicides (one being double). It is always so hard for the people they leave behind. So many unanswered questions. So my if onlys. Thank you for sharing E’s story. I hope you has found peace now from her troubles. And I pray for you and her family. Xoxo

  4. Thank you, everyone.
    @Kelly – You make a good point. “Lived” is so ambiguous in this context. Perhaps, I should have written “resided”, instead.

    @karen and @Kelly – I’m sorry you’ve both been through the same experience. :(

  5. I’ve been a reader but not a commenter, but felt I should say hi.
    And sorry for your loss. Also thank you for posting this. It is a subject that has come up in my life in one way or another over the past year and I find people tend to ignore alot of issues that lead to suicide. I wish more people felt able to talk about things before they get out of hand.

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