Great Day, Crap Day

We were having a bit of a boring morning today. Not wanting a repeat of yesterday’s extremely boring day we decided to drive to Canberra and go see Cockington Green. It’s a village with little houses and little people, small trains and a steam train that you can have rides on. Fraser LOVED all the trains. It would be good to go there again in Spring when the roses and what-not are out.
Had a great time on our little family outing.

Came home and a phone call with Matt’s cousin L. She announced she’s pregnant again, due in Jan. Well this huge wave of bitterness knocked me right over. I wasn’t expecting that feeling again. I thought I’d reached a preliminary acceptance of where our family seems to be going. HOwever, I wasn’t expecting that announcement either. Anyway.. nothing personal. People are just going ahead and living their lives but as a reminder of how shit ain’t working for us, it’s so frustrating. So, for now, I’ll accept and revel in my bitterness for another day or two then try and kiss it goodbye.

I had kind of decided to call it all quits next birthday if no pregnancy happens before then. I think there’ll be alot more examination in the meantime. Perhaps that would be too premature.
I must admit this has given me a huge kick in the ass. I’ve realised just how much I want to go through birth again and having a newborn. I also want to have another kid in the 4th bedroom! WHy on earth have such a big house for 3 people? Anyway, I’m wallowing within a post and I hate that as a reader. It just reads like abig old whinge so I should shut up.

I will come back later to post a piccy from our day out today.

Published by

Aprill Allen

Collector of my own bad drafts & excellent one-liners. Current painting student; Three-time B-Arts dropout.

4 Comments

  1. Big hugs to you, Aprill! Hang in there!!

    We miss your in the NOC (tonight’s girls night, with Christine and I…) We could use somebody who’s qualified ;) hehehe… Hope you’re happy in your new role, and you’re having fun at your new workplace with network goodies again…

    Let me know if you’re superstitious – My mother had the same trouble when she was trying to have me, and was given a range of good luck thingos. She was about 35 when it finally worked for her and I was her first.

    Love from the girls

  2. Hi Aprill.

    I have a couple of friends in this boat ATM, after successfully producing firstborns at the drop of a hat.

    The thing they find hardest is the assumption they should be ‘grateful’ to have had one. How insensitive ! :(

    As a mother of one, yes, I feel blessed .. but like you .. i’m hoping there is another out there for me too.

    Good luck – wish I had some advice, or could recommend a magic, failproof fertility herb or whatnot….

  3. So sorry you are having those feelings honey. Please know Dad and I love you, love Matt and love all what you have given us. Be positive and be patient. xx

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