Hor-moans

Been feeling a bit depressed and cranky this evening. Not sure why exactly. I’m hot and I’m tired and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to get comfortable.
Could be a bit of sleep deprivation from the night shifts this week. Could be that the baby has been very active the last couple of nights and jabbing me really hard in the left side. I feel like I’m bruised internally it was that painful.
So maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself or maybe its the full moon thats out tonight. Matt didnt know how to handle it other than to try to approach the situation with logic. I’ve learnt that logic doesnt work with hormonal moods. When Matt gets moody there’s always a logical reason with a possible solution. And that’s true when I get moody sometimes… but other times it’s just hormonal and there is no answer. It dawned on me once I got to work that all I really needed was for him to sit next to me and hold my hand or stroke my hair or some other nice thing like that. It’s a pity I couldnt articulate that at the time because I think he would have been quite happy to do that. It might not be a real solution to whatever was ailing me but at least it would serve to distract from the emotional soup within.
By the way, it doesnt do much good to tell a pregnant woman that carrying a baby around is bound to get a bit painful at times.. I’m allowed to have a moan about my discomfort occasionally.

As the weeks go by I’m getting nervous about labour, nervous about going into labour early.. especially if Matt is away – as he may be for a couple of weeks in January.. I’m nervous about our finances when going down to one salary. Well hell, I’m just nervous about it all really. And to think a couple of days ago I was mostly excited.

I am pleased to note however, that this is my second-last night shift. Yay. Also, tomorrow afternoon I see Dr F.. and on Saturday is our first ante-natal workshop.

So with the return of my regular sleep pattern I may swing back to the exciting end of the scale rather than the frustrating end where I am now.

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Aprill Allen

Collector of my own bad drafts & excellent one-liners. Current painting student; Three-time B-Arts dropout.

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