I’m comforted by all the comments I’ve had since that post, in here, on Facebook and on Twitter. So, thank you. I’m saddened that some of you have experienced this loss in some way and yet, I’m encouraged. Last week I had more clicks and comments than I’ve ever had and I take heart that this may translate to an increased awareness. When you hear an unfamiliar sound next door, the sound of immense sadness, knock on the door. Offer a kind shoulder or a gentle ear. Check in with your neighbours and your friends, and shepherd them towards the help they might desperately need. You may be saving someone’s life.

***

As though knowing my mood, it rained all last week, with a consistent downpour across the weekend. We didn’t have any plans and besides swimming lessons on Saturday morning, I didn’t want to risk going out in case we couldn’t get back in. It’s not unlikely for us to get flooded in after such an amount of rain so we stayed home and played with the Lego. We had Lego spread all over the rug and a floor picnic of party pies and pastries from the bakery. This week the sun is out, the lower bridge is reopened today and the school bus is running.

We’re back in the old routine again.

Over the weekend as we celebrated my oldest son’s 6th birthday, a childhood friend of mine was contemplating her death. At 34 years old she was found hanging in the garage of her parents’ home, where she lived. Apparently, she’d sent a text to an ex-boyfriend to say goodbye and late evening on Saturday she pinned a note to herself and stepped off this mortal coil.

I know no other circumstances.

Her Korean family are very private, but they embraced me as a visitor in their home as we were growing up and I always felt welcome. It was one of E’s sisters that I went to school with. E was a year younger than us but the three of us spent alot of time together in our highschool years. She was cute, bright and bubbly–certainly the most outgoing member of her family.

We lost touch after highschool. I lived out of the state for a while and we all got busy with our own things. I strain to remember the last time I saw E but I think it was when she, and her sister, came to see my wedding over eight years ago. They gave us a beautiful glass mosaiced lamp as a gift and it’s been next to my bed ever since.

I regret that I didn’t endeavour to make contact in those years. However, I remember a happy friendship and I hope as time goes by those memories overtake the raw feelings over the news of this suicide. But now I am just heartbroken that she must have been feeling such sadness and despair.

I don’t want to write this post, but I must, because I don’t wish for anyone else to feel how she must have felt.

http://www.suicideprevention.com.au/
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Christmas 09

I think we’re just about all back on deck and back to work by now. I hope you had a smashing Christmas or, at least, a lovely break from mundane routine.

We had a small family gathering prior to Christmas with lots of fresh seafood and sunshine followed by the last couple of days at work and then we hit the road for Batemans Bay. We had a holiday rental house at Long Beach, five minutes north—great for a couple of families. We had a view right out to the water and just a bit of backyard before the beach. Fabulous position! It was a quiet, unpatrolled beach with small waves and shallow water.

Our Christmas Eve was another feast of fresh seafood on the balcony and then we prepped for Christmas morning. Dummies were surrendered into a bowl for Santa to collect and redistribute to all the new babies, cookies were put out on a plate, kids put to bed (with a few tears from a dummy-less Lincoln) and presents were wrapped and placed around the coffee table under the plastic Christmas tree.

The kids woke up super early every single morning, (that’ll happen when they share a room), so we were awake before 6am and cloistered the boys in our room until a more respectable 7am. Santa made an extra special visit on the local RFS fire truck, throwing bags of lollies out to the kids, Matt and Fraser played with their new remote control cars, Lincoln and Zara tried out their scooters, I charged up my new Kindle, wore my new necklace, and Bindy and I waited until a more respectable 10 am before we popped the champagne.

I bought a half leg of ham thinking we’d be bringing home leftovers but would you believe we had to buy an emergency portion of ham a few days later?! I guess we just love ham. And who doesn’t?

The first few days were rainy so we fit in a visit to Mogo zoo, a trip to Moruya to catch up with some ex-neighbours and some mini golf. Finally, on the second half of the week we hit the beach. The boys loved it and I loved it, not having had a proper swim at the beach for years. (Loved it so much we’re already planning our next resort holiday!) The men got some fishing time in on a few nights but didn’t manage to bring any fish home and I managed to get most of my uni essay done. At least I was productive.

On New Year’s Eve we tidied up, swept up, locked up, said our goodbyes to Bindy and co. and headed back home via lunch at Nowra and a NYE bbq and sleepover in Bowral.

Am I glad I took an extra couple of days off work before going back on Wednesday! I needed a bit of wind down time after all the unpacking and washing. And the celebrating. (I slept off all New Year’s day.)

So here I am at the start of another year. A new year with grand plans.

I made my way down to Canberra with the boys on Saturday to go to Handmade Market at the Yarralumla Woolshed with Miss Bindy and family. I was planning on finishing off Christmas shopping and buying things I’d been eyeing off online for ages. But the heat messed with my purchasing power and I only came away with a few items – a print and toofie softie from Aunty Cookie, and a knitted donut rattle for a new baby that’s on the way. I admired many things – totebags and bowls made from recycled vinyl records, lots of gorgeous kids clothes, necklaces made from colourful plastic buttons and art. I loitered around some stalls but lacked the conviction to buy. Lucky for some vendors, I’ll be able to hit their Etsy stores later.

But the highlight of the day was spotting the celebrity bloggers. Of course, I did have a little chat with Aunty Cookie but I also saw Lady Smaggle, and Nina Ribena of Tango & James and Canberra’s Got Style. I’m sure there were more. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say hello to Lady Smaggle in particular, but I was a little shy and too far away to shout across the crowd of people.

After a couple of hours of browsing in the stifling heat we all sat around in the shade eating/drinking slushies before heading back to our place for an easy chicken and salad dinner. It’s been a while since we last caught up so we stayed up chatting and planning our Christmas holiday to Batemans Bay.

After they left on Sunday, Lincoln went back to bed for a nap, Fraser watched Futurama on the other telly and I watched Julie & Julia again from start to finish, undistracted. It’s my new favourite movie. I laughed, I cried – tears of joy – at how they each achieved their dreams and I loved how devoted Julia and Paul Child were to each other. I had a big cry at the end, and then Fraser started crying, even though he had no idea what he was crying about.

It was such a lovely time that we did it all again the next day. Although, it was a lunch of fish and chips with different friends at a different park in Drummoyne.

It’s my favourite time of year. I like the warmth. There’s nothing better than wine and cheese on the deck on a warm summer’s evening, good conversation with good friends, and the smell from the jasmine bush in the air.

We’re off to Melbourne this Friday for a weekend of shopping and celebrating for Mum’s 60th birthday.  See you when I get back!